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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509542">From the Rivers to the Ocean</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningscissors/pseuds/runningscissors'>runningscissors</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Tenth Doctor Era</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:00:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningscissors/pseuds/runningscissors</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"He falls in love every day. There’s always something new to be seen, information to be learned, people to meet. He wonders fleetingly if that’s why the loneliness hits him harder this regeneration round."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>From the Rivers to the Ocean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally written in 2012 for then_theres_us @ livejournal</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He’s sure if it were physically possible, breath would be hard to come by at this moment. Even now, Rose’s love for him is evident along the walls of the Powell Estate.</p><p><strong><em>BAD WOLF</em></strong> in a fading collage of neon spray paint along the cracking cement. Posters and new graffiti trying to cover it, but not quite managing to make an impact on the overwhelming amount those two words cover. </p><p>Below, a group of children run past in their mad dash for the open courtyard with not a glance around them. How can they not see it as their feet stamp across the <strong><em>B</em></strong> and <strong><em>OLF</em></strong> still partially visible on the grown in long, narrow writing?</p><p>In his wildest dreams, he had never anticipated anything like this to happen. For one girl to take all of Time into herself for the mere hope of saving him. Not to save the Universe or even her bloody home planet, but just so she could be by his side again, so he wouldn’t have to be alone.</p><p>He should be terrified at what that means; certainly, in the past, he would never have let things get this twisted and clouded. But all he can feel is awed by the sheer force of Rose and the way she felt (<em>feels</em> he still hopes) about him, despite everything. It’s getting exponentially harder to place the Universe’s protection over hers, and maybe, as he stares out at the sea of his salvation in written form, what frightens him most isn’t what Rose would do keep him safe, but what he would do to keep <em>her </em>safe.  </p><p>“Doctor,” he hears her call, hesitation laced through her voice as the fire door bangs loudly behind her. She touches his back lightly, jumper pulled tight to her to block out the cold. “I thought I might find you up here.” She links her arm through the crook of his and huddles into him. “It’s freezing up here. Let’s go back inside, yeah? Mum’s made a cuppa for you.”</p><p>He turns to face her, hands stuffed into the pockets of his trousers. She smiles gently at him, cheeks and nose flushed from the chill of the wind.</p><p>“Yes, let’s,” he says. “Onwards and outwards, Rose Tyler. Or rather inwards, I’d say...”  She grins broadly at him, eyes already sweeping over the words like they’ve always been there, like they really are just mindless graffiti and flyers ready for the bins. But he sees them, and he won’t forget.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>Really, in the end, the Doctor should have known there’d be no returning from this. Rose was lost to Earth and a life of normalcy the moment she ran up the ramp of the TARDIS, and the doors snapped shut with the flick of his wrist. But he’d been so alone, so indescribably alone that he hadn’t even realized how numb he’d become till she’d chased after him and he’d taken her hand, and the Earth had spun beneath their feet.</p><p>He thought maybe he’d take her anywhere and everywhere, and she’d clutch his hand, her fingers tightening around his with child-like excitement. Except she’s not a child, is she. She’s a woman who’d give her life for him (again and again without hesitation), and when he looked at her, Time and all its infinite power burnt through her to the pads of her fingers.</p><p>But she slips through his fingers with her hand still stretched (always stretched) out for him to take, even as she plummets into the nothingness of hell. The Void seals and he pats his chest down with shaking hands. The fact that there are not two gaping holes in his chest surprises him.</p><p>She’d promised him the impossible, the unimaginable; forever. And in that moment, he’d been foolish enough to believe.</p><p>He won’t make that mistake again.</p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>The TARDIS hums her name in the night long after she’s gone. She clings to every corner and panel of this old girl, and he suddenly feels the weight of his age crash around him.</p><p>Sometimes he thinks it’s a cruel joke. Eons spent with his hearts close to his chest, only to lose it to a nineteen-year-old shopgirl with a smile so bright it blots out the sun. </p><p>But the Universe calls, and if he lays still for every heartache he’s felt, he’d simply never move.  So, he runs, runs to the farthest reaches of the Galaxy and places a million light-years between him that bloody stupid Earth.</p><p>He falls in love every day. There’s always something new to be seen, new information to be learned, people to meet. He wonders fleetingly if that’s why the loneliness hits him harder this regeneration round. He was reborn while in love this time, with affection pulsating through him. He'd shaped himself because of her, for her. With Rose by his side to hold his hand and keep the terrors at bay, he’d never have to be alone.</p><p>He didn’t warn Martha about keeping him from falling in love because what’s the point? The thought had been unthinkable. But maybe that’s why John Smith had burned with a quiet yearning for it. He could feel the ache of it somewhere deep within him. Had John truly loved Joan Redfern, or was she a plaster for a wound John hadn’t even know existed?  </p><p>He should never have taken Martha with him to travel. He doesn’t realize this till she’s left with her bruised heart and strong will, of course, but then again, this reincarnation seems to be rather good at ignoring the things he doesn’t want to deal with. He sees the pain he put her through, put them both through for that matter, and it makes his head hang with shame. She’s brilliant, so incredibly brilliant, but as much they both tried to ignore it, her hand just didn’t fit in his like it was supposed to.</p><p>She saved the world, saved him, and he’d brought her and her family nothing but heartache and pain.</p><p>He used her in the worst way. She’d never needed him, future Doctor Jones, but oh, how he’d needed her.</p><p>But he’s wild and unpredictable on his own. The joy is gone, and in its wake is wired energy, he just can’t seem to wind down. He can’t keep his feet on the ground these days. He used to be good at this, travelling on his own with no one but the TARDIS at his side.</p><p>What’s happened to him? </p><p> </p><p>+</p><p> </p><p>Donna is a breath of fresh air. A true mate <em>(You're not matin' with me sunshine and they'd laugher and laughed later),</em> a best friend to lark about the Universe with. As always, arriving exactly when he least expects her and without the realization of how much he’d needed her until she’s there yapping at him. There was so much prophecy surrounding Donna, it seemed the Universe was directly intervening to push them together.</p><p>They bounce about like metallic balls in a cosmic pinball machine, rebounding off far away planets and laughing all the while- well for the most part laughing.<br/><br/>Donna is his moral compass to keep him on the straight and narrow when he needs it most. She takes care of him, stands by him, but is quick to reprimand him when his actions are found wanting. It’s something he realizes he’d lost with Rose, as they’d moulded themselves to reflect each other. As their love had grown, the shine of it had begun to eclipse everything around them.</p><p><em>Just save one</em> Donna begs, and he wishes it was that easy, but humans never understand. The butterfly effect that occurs when you interfere. They can walk through history, but that’s all it can be, just unknown footprints in the sand, gone without a trace. But she helps him all the same, helps shoulder the burdens time and time again.</p><p>They change each other for the better, so when he is forced to ease it all from her mind, it is one of the cruellest things he thinks he has ever had to do. All she’d grown, all she’d been – gone in the blink of an eye.<br/><br/>But he can’t forget her, it would be impossible to. She’s the most important woman in all of creation.</p><p> </p><p>+<br/><br/><br/></p><p>And so once again he’s alone, chaos and destruction nipping at his heels - mainly of his own making.</p><p>There’s no one to stop him, but there's also no one to keep him going.</p><p>Maybe the Ood are right. Maybe it’s time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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